The Indestructible Carmie: Not so Indestructible

This is a hard post to write. Only a week ago I was bragging about how Carmel was so indestructible... bouncing back from her fall of a few weeks ago. We had been to the vet and she was declared well, for a 14 + dog, and she was well.

On Wednesday of this week, the 24th of September, Carmie was not well, and was allowed to go to that better place, where we all hope to see her, someday.

The day started sunny, cool, without incident. But, on our early morning walk, Carmie did not carry herself well. She slipped a bit, and seemed to be having more trouble than usual with her hind legs. We cut our walk short, and she came home and took to her bed.

Tom and I had a full day out of the house, ahead of us. Robbi, our office manager, was here to check on Carmie so we felt confident she would be taken care of very well. Robbi loves Carmie as much as any of us. When Tom and I returned home, approximately 3:30...we were not greeted by a happy to see you dog, as expected. On the contrary...Robbi reported problems.

Robbi told us that Carmie had gone out in the backyard but did not want to come back in. After some coaxing, Robbi got her in and Carmie went back to her bed, panting heavily.

I went to check on her immediately and she was splayed on her bed, all four legs out, panting heavily. She has done this before - so I did not immediately get frightened. I brought her water dish in, shifted her to make her more comfortable, and gave her some special love...then sat down to answer some emails, all the while watching her very closely.

By 4:00, it was clear she continued to be in distress. Again, it was similar to other times, times were her distress had always cleared up on its own. Her nose was cold. Her paws were cold. She had not overheated, but something was wrong. I called my vet  and after several times on hold, was told that there was only one Dr on duty so I could bring her in but they would have to kennel her and look at her later! They wanted me to leave her there!!!

There was no way I would do that to my Carmie. Tom came up to the room and together we once again rearranged her, literally, to make her more comfortable. She cried a little when we turned her over, but made no move to resist. I thought that we might interest her in some food - so we cooked a hamburg for her (we'd given her hamburg the night before and it was the first time in days that she cleaned her dish). But, she wouldn't even acknowledge the hamburg. She lay in one position, without moving a paw...even when the cat came in, all she did was watch...without blinking.

It was time to take her to the Animal Emergency Clinic. Tom and I wrapped her in a blanket because by this time, she could not even stand. We were totally at a loss about what could be wrong, but I knew by then that this was not just one of her "episodes" and that a vet needed to see her.

The Emergency Clinic was wonderful. They brought a gurney out to the car so Carmel could be wheeled in comfortably. I filled out paperwork (while crying my eyes out - it was just so frightening to see her like that). Immediately, a vet came out with an initial diagnosis of "bloat."

I had never heard of this condition and needed her to explain it. Essentially, Carmie's stomach had filled with air and twisted on itself. The condition is life-threatening and requires emergency surgery. We asked if it was also affecting her ability to stand or walk, because she'd been able to stand and walk at 3:30, and 5:00, but not at 6:00, when we bundled her up to take her in. The Dr. said no, the bloat wouldn't likely affect her that way. Likely, she said, the inability to stand or walk was neurological.

Tom and I were taken to a holding room - as I was becoming a bit hysterical - and we were asked to make a decision. Should we put Carmie through surgery - which might or might not work (it would help, but recovery in such an old dog was not guaranteed, and the surgery would not help her legs)... or should we allow her to go? The bloat issue was just one thing - the failure to walk issue was another. Combined, they were twice as deadly.

It was a hard decision. We were allowed into the room where she lay - and by then, she had lost all recognition of us. She did not look to be in pain, but I knew she was. I had to decide if surgery was going to improve her quality of life, or not. I had to do what was best for Carmie and not for me, because my decision would have been, "Fix her!" And, yet, in the fixing, what would we be accomplishing?

Carmie would have been 15 in January. We knew this winter would have been the turning point. I made the only choice I could - given the onset of winter so close, given her deteriorating condition (despite my words of being indestructible), and given that so many complications could have occurred if we did the surgery, all of them very unpleasant! (Please read up on this horrible problem, BLOAT, and watch your dog carefully! It's insidious and it can kill in a very short amount of time!)

All I can say now is - Carmie, rest in peace. A good friend wrote to me yesterday and said, "Don't you know that all dogs go to heaven?" I take some comfort in that.

The Emergency Clinic made a pawprint for us and...it lies on Carmie's bed, a small testament to a beloved pet who will live on in the pages of this blog, and always be in our hearts.

Comments

[Greg]

I'm so sorry for your loss!

It is heart warming to see a person who thinks of the quality of live of the dog before their own. That is an almost impossible decision to make, and I applaud you for it.

[Kelly Mullaney]

Yvonne, my heart is with you and your family. I can't help to think about my loved cats, with their life span much shorter than ours, that we will have to face that decision sooner or later and it breaks my heart, so I can imagine how you and your family must be feeling. But you have the happy moments together you can focus on. Carmel brought so much joy into your lives, just like a little angel, always there ready to love you no matter what.

Thank you for sharing Carmel story, she will be forever in your memory and your hearts.

[Carolyn - Crickets Roar virtual assistant services]

I am so, so very sorry to hear about your sweet Carmel. Please know that my thoughts are with you – I know first-hand how difficult and heart-wrenching it is to lose a beloved friend/family member. What a blessing it is to be surrounded by loving friends and family whose truly understand. Carolyn

[Yvonne DiVita]

@Merrie, thank you for stopping by. Your sweet family is a cheerful focus for me.

@Lisa, you know better than most, how hard this is. You created that beautiful petbook for Reznor and I am putting all my pictures and stories together for a Carmie book. Thank you for what you do, Lisa.

@Linda, thank you for stopping by. It's such a comfort when other pet owners, who love their pets as I do mine, are willing to share in my sorrow.

[Merrie Miller]

I am so sorry about the loss of your baby Carmel; it is so hard sometimes to do what is right for them and not so right for us ( our hearts break yet we know it is better for them)We wish that our love and thoughts wrap you and comfort you in your time of loss. Merrie,and the bully crew; Niles,Murphy,Zoey,Bitsy

[Lisa (The Pet Book Lady)]

Carmie is over the Rainbow Bridge now and will be meeting you again someday.
So sorry for your loss.

[Linda Dessau]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Yvonne.

[Yvonne DiVita]

Mary Anne, how terrible to have to say good-bye to two pets at once! I look for Carmie every time I walk into the room, and though she is not here, I remember her big ears and bright eyes and the way she always thought a walk was due at any moment. She was a delight and those memories are the ones I cling to. Not the last sad moments, though I will never forget them, either.

Thank you for sharing. It's in these warm stories from friends that true comfort is achieved.

[Mary Anne Shew]

Yvonne and family: These decisions are so wrenching, but you made the right choice. Twelve years ago I had to put down both of my beloved cats, Jennifer and Toby, because they caught cancer from the vaccine that was supposed to prevent it. Daily and hourly you watch them, trying to understand if they're in pain. Letting Carmel go was the best gift you could give her.

And what a wonderful memento from the Emergency Clinic!

Not only do our beloved pets go to Heaven, but they are the first to greet us when we too arrive. You will see her again.

[Yvonne DiVita]

@Susan - wish you could have met Carmie. You and she would have been great friends!

@Michele - You must be right, and I know Carmie is happy in heaven. Surely she is with so many others I am hearing about. I feel enormously comforted.

@Evelyn - So happy to have you come by and share your story. What a blessing to believe that our pets bring heaven to us. So true! Thank you, Evelyn. Your words have cheered me today.

[Evelyn Rodriguez]

I am so sorry to hear about Carmie. I think every dog is shared in same way by everyone and everything they touch, so I felt a loss too simply reading your story. I think your friend is right - and I think pets bring heaven TO us in the time they are in our lives. To this day, I still feel the presence of a deep unconditional love from my dog Taz (she died in 2003) by my side from time to time -- especially when I go walking, which was her favorite activity. My thoughts and blessings to your whole family.

[Michele Miller]

I think one of the greatest tests we have as pet owners is letting them go when we know what's right for them, not US. It's actually the greatest love we can give them. How wonderful you had each other for nearly 15 years. Carmie was very blessed to have you, as you were to have her. Sending all love and good wishes. And yes, dogs DO go to heaven, I'm convinced! Especially when they've given so much unconditional love.

[Susan of Alkamae]

My love and thoughts are with you, Yvonne. It is never easy putting down a beloved pet, even when it's the right thing to do.

I know your home will be emptier without her presence and your hearts sad, for quite awhile. Yet, know she happily romps now, all the more joyfully because she was loved by you.

[Yvonne DiVita]

@Elisa, I knew you would understand. We are as attached to our furry friends as to all family members. Blessings to you and your departed kitty. We miss them forever, don't we? Thank you for your kind words.

@Sybil, I'm so glad you got to meet Carmie! It means so much to me to have you stop by and send your warm wishes. We both know how these sudden tragedies feel. Thank you.

@Chloe, dear daughter - tell Miah Grandma Y-vonne is fine. Tom is holding me tight. Share more Carmie stories -- I was busy being a single Mom in those days, so my memories begin in earnest only about 10 years ago. Hugs to all in CO. Mom

[Chloe aka Yvonne's Daughter]

We will all miss Carmel.

Miah, Yvonne's granddaughter, is quite worried about how lonely Grandma Y-vonn must be feeling without her canine friend. It was not too long ago that we went through this very thing with our beloved Reznor. Miah sends all her love.

Me? I'll always remember how Donnie initially named her Carvel, after the ice cream shoppe. I'm glad we all decided that Carmel fit better.

And, I was reminded of a time when she was a puppy and full of energy, and she would jump on the super nintendo pressing buttons and restarting games to our annoyance! But, she was adorable so all was always forgiven!

Carmel will be missed, but always remembered.

[Sybil Stershic]

My deepest sympathy, Yvonne. You did right by Carmie, and I'm glad she's in peace.

I'm also glad I had the chance to meet Carmie this summer. It's obvious she was well loved by you and the entire WME family.

[Elisa Camahort Page]

I lost my 20-year old cat Samantha less than a year ago, and I know how completely heartwrenching these decisions and their aftermath are.

I'm so sorry for your loss.