We've posted similar funny stories before but with the New Year right around the corner, I had to share this ditty. I've put "my" touch on it...you can read the original at the link in the title Dear Dogs and Cats. I feel that I should mention that Wabby is currently curled up on my bed, in MY spot, and she opens one eye every time I walk by...just in case I head her way. No doubt, she will steel herself for war - as if I have any right to ask her to move to the other side of the bed!
Note to be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door. Pet nose height. (do not think your pet cannot read it...if you believe that...I submit that they are just fooling you!)
When I say move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. Oh, the dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. And no, placing paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it. In fact, I do not find that pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway, btw, was not designed by NASCAR and is NOT a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the obective. Tripping me just makes me fall faster...than you. I win, either way.
To the bed issue...I CANNOT buy anything bigger than a king sized bed! I am very sorry if this offends you. No, I will not go sleep on the couch. Dogs and cats can curl up in a ball and do not need to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched to the fullest extent possible. No, stretching your tail out does not mean you need more space.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years so canine and/or feline assistance is not required. And no, it is not your water bowl.
Displays of affection go like this: first, kiss me, THEN, go smell other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this strongly enough!
Now, to appease you, dear pets...the following is posted a bit higher on the refrigerator door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN ABOUT MY PETS:
No doubt you've heard this before, but a reminder is never a bad thing...
1. They live here, you don't.
2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off of the furniture. It's called 'fur'niture for a reason.
3. It's highly likely that I like my pets better than I like you. Sort of like you and your car (substitute leather jacket, kids, TV, etc)
4. My pets are not merely "animals". They are adopted kids. They may be hairy and short and sometimes they drool in your shoes. Deal with it. In fact, sometimes dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train - and don't bring their friends home with them.
Enjoy your visit today.
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