1. The cat rules. Humans will remember the cat is in charge. Dogs will be treated to cat's wrath, if they disagree.
2. The cat's needs will be met, quickly and efficiently. Humans will remember to keep the dry food available, deliver the wet food (in flavors we like, please...all other favors will be left to petrify in their place) morning and night, and provide proper attention throughout the day.
3. Proper attention is:
- keeping the dogs away
- making sure the cat bed is fluffed and clean and comes with treats
- daily petting and belly rubs, only when asked for; please do not initiate on your own, wait to be asked
- not too much typing on that machine you have, it keeps the cat awake - cat reserves the right to render said machine non-functional, if she chooses
- immediate response to any meowing - sometimes the meowing will just be to test you, but mostly it will be a request for treats, food, rubbing, or shooing the dogs
3. The cat will be allowed anywhere in the house the cat would like to be allowed. This is not limited to one room or another, nor is it limited to kitchen counters or stairwells or that comfy spot in front of the patio doors where the sun shines in.
4. The cat reserves the right to jump on the bed in the middle of the night if she is hungry. Humans will rise and feed her.
5. The cat will shed on various pieces of furniture, kitchen chairs, stairsteps, and hardwood floors, daily. Human will remove cat hair at will. Cat does not care ... cat is fine with leaving it where it is but understands the human has a cleanliness streak. The cat doesn't understand this, but she allows that the human has it and likes to take the freely given cat hair away.
6. The cat will occasionally leave special gifts for the human, around the house. The human may keep these gifts, in the spirit they were given, or she may dispose of them. The cat has no opinion either way.
7. The cat will use the litterbox as long as it is clean. The human will clean the litterbox daily. Sometimes twice a day.
8. The cat will terrorize the dogs every chance she gets. Understand that 'terrorize' means... hogging the water bowl so they can't get to it (a well placed cat can hold dogs at bay for hours, if she chooses to); sleeping in the biggest bed in the room...relegating dogs, of any size, to the cat bed; sit on furniture the dogs are not allowed on...gloating.
9. The cat will not do tricks. Any tricks. Of any sort. For any reason.
10. The cat will entertwine herself with the human's feet, as the human climbs the stairs, several times a day. This is just to keep the human nimble and quick on her toes. Occasionally, the cat will pause...and allow human to trip up or down the stairs, just to prove...that cat's are better at everything, but especially at balance.
And there you have it. House Rules by The Cat. signed... Molly